I had a whole post about love and finding love, when I remembered that I had no place talking about that when I’ve been out of the dating game to so long. Something I do know about though is staying in love and the challenges that come with it.
I’ve been with my husband for a while and I must say, it was easier to find love than to keep the flame alive. In recent years I’ve realised that romantic love is not a concept of just saying you love someone, but it’s based on actions. It’s how someone makes you feel when they do something. It’s gestures of love and good deeds. We usually expect for it to be butterflies from just the sight of someone but that’s not the case, at all, well not after a while.
Love is so much effort. You cannot just exist in a relationship and hope for the best. You actually have to show up, and sometimes show out. It’s a husband washing dishes and cleaning up when the wife is tired, it’s cooking dinner out of nowhere without being asked, it’s giving your partner a free day when you can see they need time alone, it’s regular date night even when you have to cancel plans with others you made way in advance.
When kids come into the picture and fill up all your empty spaces, when you feel a different kind of love which requires no actions, it can be challenging to keep your romantic love alive. It can be tough to find time for those actions that keep your flame alive and you can loose your lover in the process.
Yes there are basics of relationships that need to be there, you know same old respect, understanding, trust and compassion, but outside of this, actions are required.
People say being in a committed relationship is amazing, marriage is a great institution. I just hope they also told you that be ready to work. Yes love the person in that butterflies way, but be ready to sacrifice. Yes, find them extremely attractive that even Idris Alba has absolutely no chance, but be ready to comprise.
So when you find your romantic love this love month, consider the work you might have to do for it, and if the person your with will make it all worth it. And hopefully once you do, you find pleasure in making the other person fall in love with you over and over again over the years.